The sun

I spent the first half of the day on the deck, next to the pool, soaking up the sun. Letting the rays reach deep inside and cleanse all the negative and all the sadness. I'm happier in the sun. I'm not sad, or depressed, just finding it hard to smile. Broken would be the best word. These last few months have been so difficult. But with that there has been a lot of joy, exploration, travel, hugs and kisses. I have discovered so much about life in the last few months as well.

I'm so happy to be here. This house is nestled back in the woods. Trees as far as the eye can see. A long gravel driveway, beautiful flowers, crickets and bullfrogs sing in the dark, bees and dragonfly dance during the day. I could stay here forever. The kids are happy here too. It's like a foreign peace..for them as well as myself.

When I get back things will be different. I'll have to manage the kids and the house alone, which is kinda scary, but at the same time has me happy. I need to worry about them and myself only. I'm not concerned with going out, or dating. I'm just looking forward to solitude, looking to find Jessica, I lost her a few months ago, and it's time to be alone, so I can reconnect with the woman I was was.  

Where will we go from here? Not sure, I'll leave it up to fate. I'm giving her the reins  and trusting that everything will be ok. I will be ok..