So I often do these "Zen" exercises. I sit there, most the time with music in the background, other times in complete silence. I sit cross legged on the floor. I res the back of my hands on my knees. I take a deep breath in, close my eyes. Exhale. Then I just picture something. Anything. The first thing that comes to mind. I concentrate real long and hard on this vision. What is it? Now what feelings do I have associated with this vision? I soul search in this time.
Last night I did this little exercise of mine. This is how it went.
Sitting on the floor. Completely relaxed. Music playing low on the ear buds. Hands rested on my knees. I take a deep breath in, hold it. Close my eyes, exhale. I see a gift. A big square shaped gift. It is wrapped in black paper with a big silver bow. its on a cherry finish table in the corner of the room. The corner is well lit. the rest of the room has lighting that is very dim. Over on the other side of the room is this couple. The are holding each other tightly, staring in each others eyes. Just holding, and staring into each other. Then they both notice the gift in the corner. I could feel that they are almost afraid of it. They are somewhat afraid, and somewhat saddened by this gift in this well lit corner of the room. Nervousness takes over them.
Why? What if its because once they open it there will no longer be any question, there will no longer be curiosity or any "unknowns". what if everything they have left is wrapped up in that box? If they open it, will they be opening the end of their relationship? The beginning of the end starts when that bow gets pulled off. What if they chose not to open the box? They see it, they know its there, but what if they chose not to care, that they are exactly what the other needs. They have everything they want, everything they need in each other. They don't care what is hiding in the corner of the room. If they chose not to open it though, it will continue to sit there, they will pass by it several times a day, see it out of the corner of their eyes.
Trust.
Trust is not opening that box.
Trust is not caring what is inside that box. Because she is confident in her love for him, and she is confident and knows the love he has for her. The same goes for him.
If either of the two doubted each other. The "gift" would get opened. He wouldn't be able to stand not knowing, or doubting, or questioning, He would have to open the gift. Sure, he could carefully open it, and then if it is in fact empty, or meaningless. He could reseal it and tie the bow back. But that tape will never be as strong as it was before he opened it. And the bow will never be as it was before. Once she notices that he has opened the gift and sealed it back. She will wonder why he didn't tell her, and why he fought so hard to make it look like he hadn't done anything. So now she is questioning. Doubting.
They are no longer that couple holding each other intimately staring into each others eyes in the corner of the dim room.
I don't know why I translated the gift into trust. I guess opening the gift can be like going through a lovers phone, or email, or anything of the like. He sees the phone in her hand but he trusts her enough, loves her so deeply that whatever is inside the phone is not a threat or thought in his head. He loves her for who she is. He loves her for the way she looks at him. The way she greets him after a long absence.
Once he has went into her phone, email, bags..(opened that gift in the corner of the room) things will never be as beautiful as they were before. He will never hold her the way he once did. And she will no longer look at him with the same eyes she did the days before..
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